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Denial of the more frightening emotions-grief, fear, anxiety, etc., will only prolong the process of healing and recovery. Cultural expectations still tend to favor mothers in custody matters leaving many men without the time they want with their children.That can make it difficult for a man to remain as involved with his children as he wishes to be.If there were major failings in the woman, why did he choose her and what about himself allowed him to stay?Acceptance of his own role in this life calamity will help him to avoid problems with the next relationship.Many people are surprised to learn that a majority of divorces are initiated by women. The fact that men are deeply affected by divorce, especially if they did not choose that solution, is not hard to understand.Myths persist that men are less in need of the comfort and support that a stable relationship provides but this is not the case.
Women also turn to these solutions, but less frequently than men as healthier responses are more acceptable for women.One emotion our society does easily accept from men is anger, so it is often anger that we see in men, especially when they are in the presence of others.Usually the intensity of the anger is related to the intensity of the (unexpressed) grief. It can cause men to say or do things that hurt the person who rejected them.Another way that men use their anger to feel powerful is to punish the departing partner by damaging her reputation, reporting long kept secrets or complaints, attempting to diminish her to her friends, family and community.Men who deal with separation with intense anger often pay a high price for using such a destructive and ultimately ineffective coping mechanism.
Anger also interferes with the ability to adapt and grow.